The feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me that this will most definitely be my last post here for reasons that are quite obvious (actually,just college,it screws us all). The whole crew left and TTDI is just exuding this sad and empty vibe. Honest to goodness truth,I didn't expect myself to feel this way,I am borderline devastated. I've known these people for years,I grew up with my mofos. We've grown up ! Exciting for a few seconds and then,reality rained on our parade. As moronically cliche' this sounds,I realized something so pure and sincere about our friendship. Through all the rough patches we've treaded on,the lifelines we hung from in times where I think,this is it,we're no longer friends -- lo and behold,that didn't strain the bond we've formed. The number of times we've fought,the unbelievably rude things we've said to each other when provoked,the cold shoulders and silent treatments. In spite of myself,I shut that voice in my head,that ego,would I really break ties with them after being friends for so long? Absolutely not. How lucky am I to have them in my life ? I've never felt so blessed until the moment I looked around the table last night,the last hurrah,and I'm holding on to that image because as much as I hate to admit it,that was the last time things will ever feel familiar for each of us. Imma miss the boys the most because for the past four months,they've been my trusty companion,my hombres,dragged me along everywhere eventhough I was the only female present in the car,officially one of the boys LOL sighing wistfully at the mo'. See,here's the problem ni ! Get too attached and experience PTDS (post traumatic devastation syndrome) before college !!!! K,drama minggu ini sikit but you get my drift. Rindu gila gila gila kat Izzud dengan Buj dengan Farid especially,menusuk kalbu please. Dah lah 3years?! Balik masa raya je?! WTF BRB sobbing mentally GMH ! On a brighter note,Dayana and I are going to be college buddies in MSU this Monday,whoopwhoop ! While waiting for my UiTM intake. I accepted the MSU offer 'cause my brain cells are dead and they need to be reincarnated before I shrivel up and die sans any knowledge whatsoever. I'm stoked,really am. 1/2 year of bumming has come to an official end,alhamdulillah (shedding tears of joy). It was fucken' ace while it lasted. C'est la vie !
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Tehehe. The apparent "long time" in my previous post stops here. I mean,I just said that to seem all sentimental-i'm-leaving-this-era kind of way. Besides,I'm hoping this would eventually succeed in making me slightly drowsy and sleep because tomorrow is going to be the first rough Monday in the history of rough Mondays sans school. Will be as quick as an orgasm,I swear ! My mija braided my hair for World Stage like the blonde's up there. I miss her but I shall survive. On a lighter note,I wish she was here so I could tell her that I'm smitten. Smitten as a Persian kitten. My John Doe's quirky and kooky and undeniably the source of most of my smothered laughter. Literally lingering around for a couple of years,gone unnoticed and now,his presence is exceptionally tough to ignore. Subtly earning a coveted post with me.You see,I've kept my John Doe infatuation down low. That's saying alot,if you ask me. The population of this little fact+his identity can barely fill a toilet stall in a mall. I'm not in the least bit sure when to drop the nuclear bomb and disrupt the wavelengths of his chaotic,if not rarely sane,mind. It's agonizing,this uncertainty. John Doe's verdict is probably just as uncertain as the rise of the Antichrist. I'm afraid to pry into that Pandora's box of his in case it'll ensue dismay and a bunch of other nasty thoughts to get by with. Then again,Pandora's big on hope too. Ho hum deedly dum.
Posted by SHA at 10:33 AM
Friday, May 14, 2010
Hibernating atm or when I'm feeling a teensy bit poetic,I happen to find myself standing and thinking on the beach with the vast sea of my future laid before me. Today marks two years of my Bloggership. Cringe inducing thoughts of the unmentionable path I'd have to jolly well trod on is not healthy for my soul...that and my sloth-esque sleeping pattern. Don't get me wrong though,I'm so stoked for university,I could be shittin' ray of sunshines and sprout sparkly wings and start to dazzle. A different group of hombres,an array of (hopefully) steaming+intellectual guys,the feel of a new pen against my fingers, straightening out the scrunched up edges of a testpad and the beginning of my life as a law student. In the meantime,I'm living life at an ungodly slow pace and depicting every minute (literally) through my Twitter. That app. is my life. If I was brutally murdered,I'm giving Horatio permission to check my Twitter out. I'm retaining my authenticity by not having a Tumblr account. Apparently,most people don't rant on Tumblr. I am a person who rants in girly hues after watching a masochistic movie. I am cool like that. Before I leave this space for possibly a very long time,lemme just say that in this solitary confinement silence I've been in since my friends lead lives of their own,I've learnt that I find absolute peace in being alone. Semi-independent in my own pretty odd way. Have a good year,thou stranger who reads this. (After reading my old posts,I've had a blessed two years and fingers crossed,more to come.) xx.
Posted by SHA at 9:42 AM
Thursday, April 8, 2010
It has been said that something as fragile as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon half way around the world. In this case,the words that came tumbling out of my mouth must have stabbed you hard, must have seemed unsympathetic. Enough to make me know I've unleashed this absurd feeling in the corner of your heart. I'm well aware that I've scarred people along the road and I'm definitely not the kind of person who settles for someone who is comfortable with being pushed around. I don't know how to explain myself,I don't how to explain this lump that forms in my throat everytime I think about it. I'm sorry I hurt you and I mean this in the most honest and sincere way ever but have you any idea how I felt after you didn't acknowledge my apology,at all? Not in the slightest bit. I don't expect you to accept my apology,considering what I did,but just the thought of it wouldn't kill you. Something as simple as a Hi or a nod of the head. Something to tell me that you'll wave the white flag,that we'll surrender and leave this behind. I'm not going to ask you to let bygones be bygones because in truth,nobody really does. It's all second nature,to forgive yet we'll forever find it impossible to forget. I'm guilt-ridden,A. At the same time,I don't want to do this. The last thing I'd want is to burden you with this because I feel as if I'm being selfish but thinking about this is getting me flustered and frazzled. You're so mad at me,just the thought of it makes me cringe and feel ten feet smaller. Helpless and at a loss for words. Your absence is eating me alive. I can't believe I was capable of hurting someone like this,so much so,we're barely considered friends anymore. I'll give you time. All the time in the world and when you check your watch and decide it's time,do me a favour. Close your eyes,clear your heart,let it go.
Posted by SHA at 11:04 AM
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Sometimes,I am torn. Should I speak my mind or keep it to myself ? See,being outwardly euphoric and depressed at intervals can drive a person up the wall and have question marks floating aimlessly in their thoughts,Is She? Is She Not? I would be shamelessly lying to myself if I said I'm content with the silence. Silence can shake one's consciousness right down to their very core. That leads to my shaky decision to say whats on my mind. I'm just this walking jug of random thoughts that you can pick out. Would I ever let myself drown in my own thoughts? Rather be dubbed melodramatic than a mute.
Posted by SHA at 8:13 AM