Friday, September 5, 2008

Patience is a Virtue

I'm not uber religious and its my mistake
I'm gonna be really honest here,okay?So bear with me
When Dad tells me to pray,I'd take my wudhuk and run into my room,lock the doors,put on my telekung and wait 10 minutes.
Yes,I made Dad think I prayed when I didn't
At first,I didn't really care,how ignorant was i?
I feel so bad,so guilty because Allah knows and watches my every move
What I do,don't do,say or don't say
I've lied,too many times,it started out with little white lies
But then,it'll turn into this one big web of lies I find impossible to untangle myself from
I wear a tudung to school but I open it as soon as I set foot in my house
To tell you the truth,I dress decently of course,but sometimes,I wear shorts and stuff and I get really dirty looks from people so its not a bed of roses living in Malaysia,
With an over-flowing population of judgemental,religious people
But I think,the biggest boo-boo I've made,by far,was the mistake of leaving my prayers
But hey,I am religious in my own way
I read the Al-Quran and I do pray,its just that,at times I feel really lazy
So,it gets on my nerves when people make smart-ass remarks like
"Wow,Sha,Since When You Sembahyang?" or "Gila aa Sha,boleh pulak baca Al-Quran"
It really really hurts,okay?Jangan cakap banyak,kau tu sembahyang penuh semua,tapi kutuk orang tu,kau igt pahala kau tetap bertambah ke?
God,tell me I'm over-reacting but my eyes are threatening a storm of their own right now
I've decided to take the oppurtunity since its Ramadhan to start praying,fully and try to relieve myself of all the sins I've done,more or less
Don't give me that look.
But,when it comes to wearing a head-scarf,full-time
I admit it,I'm not ready yet,I'm not gonna wear it because of pressure because I'd rather wear it with true intentions.
Okay?Honestly,I'm trying to turn over a new leaf here for the sake of God knows what
No,I haven't tried ciggies,I don't want to have free sex,neither have I started drinking booze nor try drugs
And I don't intend to because I know its wrong and it'll just add up to my sins
For now,I promise,I'm gonna start praying 5 times a day and start going for Terawikh again
I've always wanted go to Makkah or Madinah though


<3

No comments: