Eid's Around The Corner

It's been too long,Blogger.com
Ramadhan is almost over and Eid Mubarak is just two days away (!)
The excitement has finally set in and the "come over to my house,duit raya best" text has been sent to a few friends who'll be spending the first day here,in KL.
Honestly,I'll sorta miss Ramadhan.It only comes once a year and I dont intend to be morbid but God knows when will my last Ramadhan be
I've been told that a few people actually weep when Ramadhan passes by.
I didn't have time to really appreciate Ramadhan though,I did fast but I didn't go for Terawih as promised and I didn't pray five times a day (ampunilah dosaku,Ya Allah)
But but,on the brightside though,Eid Mubarak this year is gonna be extra special
The estranged Aunt came over for the first time in two years today.
Wasn't as emotional as expected but suprising nonetheless.
After the big fight with Maktok two years ago,we haven't seen her since.
The joy in Maktok's eyes was enough to make me wanna cry
Eventhough Maktok said bad things about Tante Latifah and held a grudge against her mainly because of the fight,we all know she was ecstatic to see Tante walk through the gate this afternoon.
Plus,we got our duit raya early hehe.
Selamat Hari Raya,bloggers and I'm sorry,very sorry,if I've ever done anything to hurt anyone
<3

Freedom to Speak,Freedom to ****

Okay,so technically,September tests are finally over,over,over
Eventhough I didn't go to school today because of my ongoing gastric and missed my AddMaths and Biology paper
Finally over because I may not have to sit for it again,hooray.
Better get my butt of the couch and take a shower though,Dad's starting to give me the "stare"

Come What May

"KETOT, bila aku dah mati, kau ingat tau those secrets about aku yang memalukan tuh. muka oinkoink aku, what THE HELL aku, masturbate, muka buruk aku bila nangis, gelak fake aku, my big butt, flat boobs, waktu kita makan kat rmh kau wktu puasa dulu (form 1), the time aku bgtau kau aku period, the time kita gado for a week tuh, the way aku hug kau waktu dpt result pmr, muka ktorg waktu kne make up (stndrd 6 convocation), the time aku make up kau waktu band comp, the time kita bake cpcke dgn deb, "for nadiaaa and for aslan" hahaha lawak sial. but the most importnt thing is, TAUFIQAH. HAHAHAHA till i die, secret tu kau sorg je tawu okay? <3 W"

Whats up with everybody being extra sweet to me these days? :')

and does it really matter?

Scratch what I said before this
I owe Ruiz,bigtime (Starbucks,to be precise)
Kita kawan kan Ruiz?Hahaha,we're like meant for each other lah ;p

S.A.W

History wasn't as bad as I thought it would've been
That's mainly because I slept at 3am in the morning and then panicked so bad in school,i felt like jumping on the chair several times.
5 minutes before the paper started,Ruiz turned around and asked me
"Who's Abdul Rahman bin Auf?"
"Abdul Rahman bin Aaaaaaaaauf?Oh geez,siapa tu,siapa tu"
"Hahahaha ,i just wanted to scare you"
"-.-' But who's that?"
Tunggu Ruiz,I'll get you for that.God knows how but I will mahaha
Amir spent the hour before History barking mad.He wrote answers on his shoe,on his table,near the window and he gave Byron my nail file so "that he'll be too busy filing his nails than answering the paper,pastu dapat F" I told Byron though haha<3
Before Maths started,Man made this sound,more like a dog whimpering hahaha
I'm not going to think about Maths,no no no.
Most of the non-Muslim students kept on saying Nabi Muhammad SAW as in gergaji
Not sallahualaiwasalam (correct me on this one)
Tomorrow's Chemistry and Islamic Studies,wish me luck
No,on second thought,pray me a miracle.
And I couldn't help but think when Heng said
No Wonder Form 4 Is Tough,4 Means Death According To Chinese Beliefs
So that is why, form 4 susah gila babi nak mati

Flick Yer Bean for Agyness Deyn

Saya tidak mahu mengulang kaji sekarang
Karena saya tahu bahawa saya akan gagal dalam ujian bulanan september ini
Jadi,harus ke saya bersusah payah?I dont think so,girlfriend
Tetapi,saya tahu saya akan merana hari demi hari,menggaru kepala dan menggigit pensil saya sambil berdoa ; "Ya Allah,Kurniakanlah saya fahaman para Nabi dan hafalan para Rasul serta mendapat ilham para malaikat yang hampir denganMu"
Apatah lagi,saya ni sebenarnya tak sedar diri.Banyak cakap,tahu takut tetapi saya enggan bertindak positif (whatever that means haha)
Takboleh buat apa-apa pun,ia hanya sekadar ujian

Scream My Lungs Out

Somehow,I feel much more nervous now,sitting for a TEST,than my midyear exams in May.
Maybe its because I'm sitting behind Ruiz, or otherwise known as Juzri to Cikgu Azhar,the person who makes me nervous the most
I'm gonna ask you to read this so you'll know okay okay?Hahaha
He makes me feel soooo stressed,when I hear the furious scratching of his mechanical pencil *dont give me that look of yours,Juzri.
And I know I'm gonna flunk most of my papers anyways because I didn't bother to study properly this time.Come to think of it,other times as well.
Because Eid's on its way,extremely slowly but surely
It doesn't help when your school's stereo blasts Raya songs at 7am in the morning and the discipline room's like my kampung during raya,what with all the lights,and cards and that darn radio playing M.Nasir songs

Sitting,Waiting,Wishing

Promises.People make them and break them ever so often.You shouldnt toss around a promise back and forth so easily.Did you know that its a sin to not keep your promises according to Islamic beliefs?If you can't fulfill what you promised then dont bother to utter the word in the first place.Sometimes,I find it hard to believe in promises anymore.A certain someone had proven to me that they don't mean a thing.That a promise is only good for the first few seconds
But come again,a promise means more than anything you can think of.Maybe the little promises are meant to be broken like promising to do your homework and promising to clean up your room hahaha.I've broken many promises in my lifetime but I've kept a few promises here and there.Its not easy to keep a promise,same as it is not easy to prevent a pie crust from being broken.

Karma

Hahahaha nak jumpa TODD,TODD,TODD

Time After Time

At times,I wished you'd just go away,disappear off the face of the Earth
because I despise how I still get butterflies when I see you.Wasn't that supposed to stop a month ago?

Oh,Dear

I think I've fallen,real hard
I think I've got it bad,real bad
I think,maybe,I sorta,kinda like him
Who am I kidding?I definitely like him

*don't ask

Patience is a Virtue

I'm not uber religious and its my mistake
I'm gonna be really honest here,okay?So bear with me
When Dad tells me to pray,I'd take my wudhuk and run into my room,lock the doors,put on my telekung and wait 10 minutes.
Yes,I made Dad think I prayed when I didn't
At first,I didn't really care,how ignorant was i?
I feel so bad,so guilty because Allah knows and watches my every move
What I do,don't do,say or don't say
I've lied,too many times,it started out with little white lies
But then,it'll turn into this one big web of lies I find impossible to untangle myself from
I wear a tudung to school but I open it as soon as I set foot in my house
To tell you the truth,I dress decently of course,but sometimes,I wear shorts and stuff and I get really dirty looks from people so its not a bed of roses living in Malaysia,
With an over-flowing population of judgemental,religious people
But I think,the biggest boo-boo I've made,by far,was the mistake of leaving my prayers
But hey,I am religious in my own way
I read the Al-Quran and I do pray,its just that,at times I feel really lazy
So,it gets on my nerves when people make smart-ass remarks like
"Wow,Sha,Since When You Sembahyang?" or "Gila aa Sha,boleh pulak baca Al-Quran"
It really really hurts,okay?Jangan cakap banyak,kau tu sembahyang penuh semua,tapi kutuk orang tu,kau igt pahala kau tetap bertambah ke?
God,tell me I'm over-reacting but my eyes are threatening a storm of their own right now
I've decided to take the oppurtunity since its Ramadhan to start praying,fully and try to relieve myself of all the sins I've done,more or less
Don't give me that look.
But,when it comes to wearing a head-scarf,full-time
I admit it,I'm not ready yet,I'm not gonna wear it because of pressure because I'd rather wear it with true intentions.
Okay?Honestly,I'm trying to turn over a new leaf here for the sake of God knows what
No,I haven't tried ciggies,I don't want to have free sex,neither have I started drinking booze nor try drugs
And I don't intend to because I know its wrong and it'll just add up to my sins
For now,I promise,I'm gonna start praying 5 times a day and start going for Terawikh again
I've always wanted go to Makkah or Madinah though

<3

Silence,Louder Than Ever,Screaming In Your Ear

Okay,I take back what I said because I just realized this is my 100th post for 2008
Besides,Amir was disappointed to know I'll stop blogging till October
I wouldn't want to let you down,now
Even if my entries are boring and worthy of a yawn or two.Here goes,the 100th POST.

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound.
When a window shatters,or a table leg breaks,or when a picture falls off the wall,it makes a noise.
But as for your heart,when that breaks,its completely silent.
You'd think it was so important it would make the loudest,cochlea-damaging noise in the world
or even some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a symbol or a chime of the bell.
But its silent and sometimes,you'd wish there would be a noise to distract you from the pain,the heart-ache
However,even if there is a noise,its internal.It screams but no one can hear it but you.
So loud,your ears ring and your head aches and your tears are threatening to start a storm of their own.
It trashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea;it roars like a mother bear who's cub has been taken away.
That's what it looks like,what it sounds like,a thrashing,panicking,trapped great big beast,roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions.
That's the funny thing about love,no one is untouchable.
As wild as that,as raw as an open wound exposed to salty sea water
But when it finally breaks,its silent.
You're just screaming on the inside,and no one can hear it.

Why,Yes I'm Out Of The Loop

I don't think I'll be updating much until after my Septemper tests
Unless something REALLY important or worthy of an entry happens,then we'll see

Yours till pigs fly,Shaa<3